Saturday, July 10, 2010


The moon started hanging down the sky...

come in to my room...!

entering in to fresh white gown,
peeping in to the mirror,
smiling in to the face..
..the lively glance of dark brown eyes
longed to put my arms about him..

Dear..have you thought about -
the separation
that coming to live with us..?
The quality of silence,
The quandity of measured happiness,
The dignity of life without Orders..?

I will leave my door open.
If you were dead,
then memory would be all that I have.
When will you go..?
All right,"if that's the way you want it _ "

Ok..then kiss me Good night,
I never knew Patience will be the death of me.
my feet are cold,my fingers are chill..
my comfort and pleasure -warm blanket
drew them about my head...!

It was not the moment of argument......!

Monday, June 14, 2010


Dear Ann,

I think I long to see you and wish no blame to fall on me.
I have never told our heavenly secret,
burried secretly at the tip of this pen.
I wonder how you live with memories,
who had partner and have no more now.
My heart is already hammering on my chest..
and now it is the time to reveal.
yes, I tell you because he has gone away to live peacefully,
and you know.. we have always been honest one with the other.

As we walked down our native place,
down the trees and olden thoughts
there I paused to consider whether
I should tell him and decided,
I can wait until it is time for him to know,
how costly a cup of tea is...!
Then as we were having our meal together
I just asked him,why he would not let me cut my nails..?
For,I have no choice,but to obey
I wiped my fingers on his blue cloth with comfort.
With sudden bright grave dark eyes he smiled at me,
Took my hand on his and gifted a piece of white cloth.

Ann, what I did not wish to tell, you asked..
Now as you have forgotten every thing
I tell you,what I wanted to tell you on that day.
Yes,…..that white piece mean so much to me..
That blue cloth mean so much to me..
And so are my nails…..
….and that heavenly secret,
perhaps the gift of separation …..
a golden thread mean so much to me.
I wish to stay alive with these sentiments,
And the decision that I shall not follow him,has not come quickly.

Get in touch with me Ann..don’t ring up or mail
Come in to my home…it is the same one in our native place.
You and I had no chances to talk ,
Let’s light the candle and settle ourselves.

Yours Lee..!

Sunday, March 7, 2010


About 4 this morning..
I dreamt it drizzling.
Then I jumped out... and gazed out door
pretending that I had not been ther.
...but with a dread full fear I realised that
the windows of my mind were open to the world.

Clouds are high up..
I feel to reach out and touch ...but...
"how can there be' buts '...if love continues ?
my heart grew quite and no longer prayed.

I can see your face in all my dreams
and could see me standing aside from the fencing
with a plain white silk gown ,
which I did not understand.
I longed to spring from my bed and run to her
but in my loneliness I had grown conscious
demanding attention which Iam trying for..
so I tell myself that now all is changed.

Saturday, February 6, 2010


It is so different from the world Iam living..
in tired of dreams and memories..
I decided to write to my friend.

Dear Ann,

your letter has come to my hand.
First before I say what must be said
let me tell you that..
you are still in my thoughts.
if you never recieved a letter from me before and again..
..know that ,in my heart I write for you every day.

yaa....every thing goes well..
The night hours in my small home is sweet.
I try not to look at the clock..
as it is useless to watch and wait for the sleep.
I have learned to go late to bed
but,I rise early now a days.
I have made this schedule,
engaging myself for next semester.
My helper is a clever young girl
so bold and quiet with many ideas.

I missed the spring last year..
and the rain poured so heavily.
the dusty storm,that occured was bitter
..the most severe I have ever known.
The gold fish is dying in the pool..
although I have tried to keep the water fresh.
Oh,no hard feelings..
If I cant make it...just try..wait..and see.

The maid went her home last month
Iam finding difficulty in finding another.
All I do is run and drip in to dreams
wishing every fall is the last one to remember.

I face a long lonely Summer...!


Wednesday, January 13, 2010


It was on such a night as this..
A moon light night …that we spoke.
The moon was high and the mountains
Were clear against the sky,
And while our minds ranged across…
We knew that the night held..!

The night turned suddenly grave,
We gazed at each other..
“oh..! you can take your time”
I felt myself a stranger
In the deepening darkness..!

We talked thus slowly and thought fully..
“I can live without your Love..
But, I couldn’t live if I happened to loose you..
That’s why I dare not ask you to marry me “…!!


Let her go to the world of stars and gems..
which seems to be more precious for him alone.
Now let her spend the nights on her own
finding him smiling out side the window...!
She always admire ..,,words are not enough
though not an optimistic..I swear..
one day she can touch him..
and share all her feelings she had with herself.

She stayed untill long past midnight
and praised herself lucky,
to be blessed with those naughty smiles.
Then the twinkling stars just murmered ..
she is booned to accept that heart of grace.
..but they wouldnot know a little secret,,
what a great feeling she had in score...!


True that first time in my life
I felt to run away from myself.
Wiping my eyes and taking a deep breathe
I tried to attack those 'better days'.

Even the slightest touch was misserable
but sustained ,bringing happiness in me.
Feeling of emotions..feeling of embarassement
ran up high initially...but,
as I sat lonely thinking...
with a drop of tear wiped from my eyelid
the feeling of isolation persuded me..
My state is nothing...Who can control my faith..???

Blew in my viens a tiny cool breeze ...
in such a lose and neglect state of mind,
which I had glimpsed ago....!
I imagined my fingers floating effortlessly
over the coaxing soothing melodies..
I tuned it over and over..
in my day and night dreams
just to make a music for myself.

I gathered my music,my passion and my love
to view my life in different way.
With Wings of Love I flew up high and high..
wishing and dreaming for a chancee to live.

Yes,,I hear the sound of applause...
..applause for music or life.....Iam not sure....!


Last night I was too lonely..
I cannot sleepthe night through...
Oh! there is a loneliness which befalls me now and then,
and it is something more than death...!

...and then I started to pray
sure I wondered what I would possibly pray of..
I didn't know what I believed....
I didn't know what I believed...!
At times I felt silly and self conscious
as though Iam bribing him...!
In moments when I used to worry about myself
IO began to stay in the present...feel less alone..!

Prayers didn't help me from erazing my pains
but it gave me a way to be with my dreams..,
and some times helped me enormously with his love.
Oh my Love...prayers brought you to me...!

I learnt a couple of simple prayers
which I whispered from morning till night..
may I be free from fear and pains
may I be filled with loving kindness.
With my hands raising to him
I felt his love and strenth pass in to me
then I lay down to sleep....
God finds us at the end of our rope...!


“Women lie as easily as they breathe
It’s the second nature of them ”
Now there was a slight trace of humour
and the harshness had softened slightly.
She surprised herslf with a laugh
at the abrupt change ofcourse,
and settled herslf with a sigh
and apologized sadly for her love.

As she rushed in and closed herself
Loneliness is what she felt her own land….alone in a strange city.
hmm…God knows why ???
Oh..! the awful silence at the valley at my land.

Its her misfortune to meet him in this spring…!
The dark eyes absorbed her as she talked..
Its nice to talk to some one in own language
She couldnot remember,ever talking any one before.
“you are living under my roof
with your future in me ”
Flapping a hand in front of her mouth
he wokes her up…..

Well..Iam glad ,I amused you
I must go to bed now…
Slightly,she got out of bed
With bare foot…slipped in to the darkness..
I prefer to take holidays alone these days…..!


Let her go to the world of stars and gems...
which seems to be more precious for him alone...
Now let her spend the nights on her own
finding him smiling outside the window..!

She always admire...,words are not enough.
though not an optimistic ,I swear
one day she can touch him
and share all her feelings she had with herself.

She stayed untill long past midnight
and praised herself lucky,
to be blessed with those naughty smiles.
Then the twinkling stars just murmered
she is booned to accept that heart of grace.

but,they wouldn't know little secret,
what a great feeling she had in score...!!


Shame on you…!
You cannot change ..You are less valuable.
Which you carry in your veins ,genes and the ancestry
are irremovable part in you,
Which you cannot change..!
“It is strange how devious the woman’s heart is..
A woman in love loses herself and I lost myself”
This is true..which came from that mouth aloud
Iam not what is called psychic..
Iam far too earthy a woman for that.
Iam a dreamer of dreams
And I have never seen visions.
I can be absorbed in th
Shame on you….!
e every day happenings.
And easily diverted at any time by the talk.
I say this to prove that,
Iam really not in the least psychic
nor even very imaginative .
I have a good practical brain
And an excellent memory
And this is far as I go…!
I make this statement because,
I swear that..last night at a quarter past one
I saw those silent memories in my room..!